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User talk:ThesoulofMajora
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Chimpanzee page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 00:41, January 18, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:48, January 18, 2019 (UTC) Helel ben Shahaar (talk) 16:49, February 12, 2019 (UTC) There are a large amount of capitalization, punctuation, grammatical, wording, and story issues here that result in your post failing to meet our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:02, February 12, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:02, February 12, 2019 (UTC) The story had capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues (rushed) that resulted in your post not meeting our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:07, February 13, 2019 (UTC) Story Issues As per your request on 12 Foot Baboon's comment section, here are my problems with this story. Spelling and Grammar Issues: 'A few sentances are too short, and some start too abruptly. "When I was in 11th grade I had a friend called Shermy." FIrst off, most people prefer if you spell out a number unless it is a date or money. On top of that you put two spaces after "11th", there should be a comma after "grade", "I had a friend called Shermy" should be "I had a friend named Shermy" (called would imply a nickname). "Well once in gym" would work better without the "Well". "Now Shermy was a very skinny kid, he wasn’t like a body builder or anything." the "Now" kind of makes this sentance feel truncated. "And he would agree with me, but Shermy had recently gotten a girlfriend." first off, it would make more sense if you start this with "Usually he would agree with me", also "Shermy had recently gotten a girlfriend" is a grammatic train wreck. '''Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: '"Yeah but I could still beat a Stupid baboon!" the word "stupid" does not need capitalized. "This had made me angry for all very ignorant reasons." the last part is kind of nonsensical, there is nothing ignorant about common knowledge that a baboon can kill a child. "Recently he had made me so angry I just wanted to prove a point to him!" This is a misuse of the word "recently" as it means "as of late" or "lately". 'Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: '"(His House is really big)" "His" and "House" do not need capitalized. "The baboon anomaly when let out" this was poorly worded. "let out a loud screech. And whacked me over the head" there should not be a period there after screech. " I switched on the news and it had said something that flabbergasted me" you should note that a reporter said about it, not the news itself. 'Plot Issues: '''The gym scene isn't conveyed very well and there is no description of what is going on outside of the short exchange between the narrator and Shermy. On top of that dialogue would have been much better than just a summary of the conversation. "Shermy had believed that he could kill a baboon in a fight" you might want to convey on this, also let the reader know that he was talking about it, not just believing it. Then right after saying Shermy left he says something. If this is happening somewhere else, I'm sure your readers would like to know. Always try to convey a scene and don't hop from one place to another. As the writer it is your duty to describe what is happening to the reader. '''Plot Issues Continued: '''Now here comes the story's biggest issue: the climax. The main character goes to Shermy's house which raises a few questions: was he let in by Shermy's parents? If so why didn't they do anything about the baboon? or if the parents aren't there who let the main character in? As for "animal screams", animals make different sounds and "screams" isn't the right word for it. I've got to stop here and ask what anyone else who would read this story would ask: how did a twelve foot baboon get into someone's house and why? Then conveniently you mention the house just happens to be big enough for the ape. '''Plot Issues Continued: '''Then you tell us that the baboon "rendered Shermy and his girlfriend unconscious" but never explain how (once again not doing a good job at conveying the scene). Then, unrealistically, the baboon only knocks the main character out and does nothing else. If this baboon was as angry as he is conveyed to be, he would kill the main character. When the main character regains his consciousness he simply goes home instead of going to a hospital. The ending just raises more questions: who was the kidnapper? What happened to Shermy and his girlfriend? '''Plot Issues Continued: '''This is just a minor complaint, but you're too interactive with your reader ("Odd name right?" and adding an exclamation point after "just a smart person overall!" and "whacked me over the head!" Ned Wolfkin. (talk) 04:24, February 14, 2019 (UTC) Sorry lad, but those are the rules. And the story itself is just not good enough, from both the grammar point, and the plot point. It had to go. But do not despair: for the explicit purpose of community help, my predecessors have created the Writer's Workshop, a place where you can post your stories for advice, proofreading, dissection, and criticism, before you post them directly on wiki. It's almost instrumental that you do this, especially if you're a new writer. Thank you for understanding. 'Helel ben Shahaar (talk) 09:39, February 14, 2019 (UTC) Hey, ThesoulofMajora, I recently read and reviewed your most recent story "Void Memes" and I have a quick question; of course this is your decision - but would you allow me to revise and rewrite your story and publish it myself? I would provide proper credits, but I feel like this story has some pretty good potential. Thanks, Thomas Scriven (talk) 14:47, February 20, 2019 (UTC)Thomas Scriven